henry tan

2012-01-16T08:24:00.001-08:00

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2012-01-08T09:19:00.001-08:00

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2012-01-06T09:25:00.001-08:00

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2012-01-06T09:00:00.001-08:00

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2012-01-05T21:25:00.001-08:00

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2012-01-05T21:21:00.001-08:00

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2012-01-05T19:33:00.001-08:00

my memory reappear when I was inside gay sauna with a few friends I know. And I was enjoy swimming and dipping my body in th e pool as surrounded by gay and a few girl friends. I look up to the mezzanine balcony I saw a famous celebruty hairdresser p jax. And out of my mibd I shout his name "jax" as he look down follow my voice he found me topless juicy in the pool and his company from left and right stop their eyes at me and the start to shout and scream like a wild cayotte who's see a baby hare after starving in the herd for a year. Like vampire drinkin artificial blood from donation bank and see a neck from youth spring virgin. They are scavenger who flying down the stair. As I saw their movemebt I felt my virginity woukd be rape by this group of vulger I start to move my ass out of this sauna haven and I fear deep to my heart as if they are a murderer from 13th night. I ran out as my girl friend and her sister bring their car to pick me. I jump I to my friend fon sister car and we accwlerate to thw max. The group of gay rapist follow us with their heavy vehicle like an action movie. We drove fast along the curvy street and at the 90degree turn we arrive too fast and I told my friend. And I foresee that the crash will occur. I told her but we couldn't stop the car. I hold on to safety belt and protect myself with my bag. it happen so fast. Both of our cars crash
Severely to the wall. I was shocked after look up and blood is all over the driver seat. I they to check her but I can't touch her. I open the door and the see another car wrecked next to mine. I open the door and i saw fon in severe cover with blood but seduction sexy fetish sadism. I grab her neck to check her pulse and there s a sign of life. I came back to my car and also look for pulses from another sexy body. Life sign is there. I carry her out......

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2012-01-01T17:57:00.001-08:00

My memory about last night dream is quite vague and misty. I remeber I was in a town with two friends I was trying to find a flight to go back home. I was realize that I got a bag fill with foods and two small packs of weed. I know its illegal so I try to give it away afyer I found a flight back home. And then I woke up.

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2011-12-31T21:28:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-31T03:19:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-27T00:16:00.001-08:00

The year is ending. And I am still searching for the answer of my future. I am hesitate to make a move. Perhaps I should go for what is open infront of me. Perhaps I want to choose the easiest way. But those would be compromise with life and the end I will regret.
I start to paint again. An abstract that doesn't need an explanation. It is a joy of my life to be able to enjoy a magic of the creation. I felt I have no responsible to entertain or to influence people to like or to buy my works. I feel my part is already finish when I decide to stop working on each pieces. The rest is le on the mechanism and fate for the future of my career. I am the same as others I want to be rich and famous artist. This ambition duri g my youth is still strong as I realize my time is running out every minutes like a water in the stream. What is the purpose of my art. I wish I know how to answer it. Eventually it just a way to make people stop the eyes balls from shitty stuffs. I didn't mean my works is more noble than others but I made another choice for them.

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2011-12-25T17:03:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T17:00:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T16:35:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T16:26:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T16:21:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T16:19:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T16:17:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T11:11:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T11:10:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T11:05:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-25T09:36:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-22T04:06:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-22T03:45:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-22T03:41:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-22T03:39:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-22T03:32:00.001-08:00

my life should be like an experiment. We should not afraid of losing control. In fact we should throw ourselves into insecure circumstanes and see ourselves struggle to live. That's the origin of our energy. Push us to the eager of fearlessness. Beyond the bounderies of no limits. We should. We should. Therefore I will happy ever more after being in such a condition much pleasant than a spoiled useless life without hope and desire which is the scariest thing human can live with.

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2011-12-13T14:38:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:28:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:26:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:23:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:18:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:14:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:12:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:09:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:06:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:03:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T14:00:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-13T13:58:00.001-08:00

like a kick on my ass slap on my face. which will drag my lazy soul back to chaos. i finally finish cv and sending first application i've been postpone forever. the first step always a good begiining. thank you to master be focused for this lesson.

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2011-12-12T13:08:00.001-08:00

the safer haven call home. comforting and spoiling me to a piece of unproductive meat. without any strive to survive. motivation is dispersing. without any fear my ambition is fade. without any tear my heart stop beating. i must throw myself in the middle of chaos and thats when all the mechanic start to rumble thier rhythm. the route of the great achillss is sacrifice with lone heart and endless storm but my name shall be recall after a centuries of wind of my dust. i must hurry. time is killing my conscious and my comfort bed shall be my grave so soon. i need to escape but how. i am backward against the wall. run i will run till the last drop of my sweat and thats where i will continue walking.

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2011-12-12T12:35:00.001-08:00

this is the first break down in my artist career. when being an artist is seen as a outcast. lazy ass. penniless contrast. i am answering my question. what should i do next and how can i become independent with this career that compromise as never a choice for me. perhaps the laziness and the routine lifestyle allergic are the parasite in my bias heart. i must get rid all of these accjmulate fear before its too late. the controversy along the way rise for myself to rethink the goal of this career or this life. and how important i would take it for grant. and such a things does exist in my uniform of thought. it s not the answer that i am looking it to reveal itself but the passage to the unknown probably is the clue of this phase. i terefore must capture my floating ambition back to create a new generation of hybrid self esteem. to push my lazy ass back to shape.

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2011-12-11T10:22:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-11T02:14:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-11T02:13:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-11T02:08:00.001-08:00

strange dream flashed in my mind this afternoon. it wqs bits and part that seems to relate and make sense but it disconnect after the link broke. i went on a trip my friend just pass away from drunk and drive accident last week. but in this dream it feel like i was inside another dream knowing the accident will happen but i couldnt do anything. we were in the car while he s driving. i was sitting at front seat with on girl and guy at back. we were on the high way finding route back to his home. after a while we are a fews turn away from his home near thonglor area. we arrive his place. it was 3 town blocks joint as one. tge interior was modern chinese. his mom was sitting inthe room. when we was trying to help doing things without talking to his mom. and it flash to the funeral and i was in the chinese like funeral and back to his house. his mom was whispering something to someone next to her in chinese while she look at my friend. but he didnt understand it. so he couldnt speak chinese and his mom couldnt speak thai. so i was curious. how they communicate. so i start to speak chinese to his mon and she was surprise and talk with me a bit. my friend call me. she said she will arrive my friend house and she need my help. she ask if i have cigarette. i said no. she ask if i can help her buying from 7-11 and she need my id. i was too lazy to do it. and i went back inside his house. we were driving to some area and i am about to get off. and i realize that his life is about to end soon. i hug him so close knowing i wil never see him again. and say goodbye to 2 other friends.

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2011-12-08T05:16:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-07T20:44:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-04T14:36:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-04T14:31:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-04T07:02:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-04T06:03:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-04T05:43:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-03T09:32:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-03T09:31:00.001-08:00

its get better today. yesterday was quite a bad day for me. start with hurt my nail while open the my bedroom door. the nail open and bleed. then went to work at ceramic studio at id. my knee knock on tbe wooden bench while trying to open lacquer bottle. then got drop from hot liquid wax when tryin to pour it on fabric. also had difficult in toilet and bleed a lot in toulet. later on went to play badminton at usual time but have to wait almost hour to get to play. and back home at midnight. all i wish is better tomorrow.

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2011-12-02T10:21:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-02T05:54:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-02T05:48:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-01T18:52:00.001-08:00

it start when walk along the known street. i was wondering should i head back home. the situation on the street was surreal. i walk past my friend who still mad at me after i joke her of being pregnant. she was eating cold cut alone on the street side. while i walking pass her. she gave me a look. a fews blocks away i bump into another friend. she seems to just had an awkward session with her girlfriend. the sadness in her eyes never escape my detector senses. i decide to call a cab and send her home. but she disagree. she siad she can take care herself. again i realize how fragile she is at the moment. i call a cab and bring her along convincing i will leave first the driver shall further deliver u home. after arrive at my strangely look condo. i step down the car and walk toward the entrance. i turn my head and look back. through inside the brown grey window of the taxi i saw my friend lying on the seat. she seems very tire but in a second. the driver move closer to her. his face is approaching her body. as she lift her body up she didnt dodge herself away from him instead a conversation between them has confirm the reality of later event for them.
i walk in the building there is a snack shop that sell local and import snacks. the evening wasnt late but i felt the cemetry in the area. i picked a fews packs and heading to owner at the thin metal blue table on the side of the stair. putting his head down quite unsure whether he was reading or napping. he turn his head up as i say please check. he told me the number. my mind disagree but i already paid and kept recalculate while i walking toward the elevator. deep inside of the elevator path it s look like a abandon and wreck building the intrrior is frightning with dirty and scratchy wall surface. i felt like waiting for the horror elevator to arrive. the cabin .itself wasnt too bad. i step in. looking atnumber in my key its say 14h but theres no button to press on the elevator. only 4 round buttons that could be turn like a knob each one indicate different range of number and the last one has letter .g h i j. position clockwise. i turn the knob and the elevator start to shaken with an old mechanism voice and decide to move itself forward. it strangely turn like elevator in gringoth bank but much slower. it pass several old building i couldnt remember well which one is mine. so i hope it spin me out at the nice one. i turn the fourth knob and the elevator move around face the door to the building as i glance ahead i see the building with red deco british style with a bell boy in front it has labelled 14h but the door in the evevator was facing the wrong direction so i turn the last knob to h letter. the evevator move and stop. i step down with a relief. i go up to my beautiful modern minumal interior room. looks like the designer fell in love with ikea. i call my friend wonder if she s home safe. she pick up. she said she isnt home yet. i told her to protect herself. she said she s already a big girl. dont worry about her. ans she excuse herself to go back to the activities. i hang up with a regret feeling that party it could be me instead of driver but nothing i can do anyway.

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2011-12-01T06:50:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-01T06:42:00.001-08:00

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2011-12-01T01:28:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-29T20:24:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-29T19:34:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-29T03:55:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-29T00:54:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-29T00:34:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-29T00:27:00.001-08:00

i wish i could record things with my vision and my mind. not only by hand swipe or button press.

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2011-11-29T00:25:00.001-08:00

the lack of freedom of expression is the causes of china tragedy in the past.

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2011-11-28T20:19:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-27T10:45:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-25T19:15:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-25T18:22:00.001-08:00

most of the time i woke up at the middle or toward the end of my dream. everything seems fresh like it just happened. sometime i try to go back from the wake up pause to the play in my mind. emotionally feeling is left behind from a vague projection. recalling what happened is mysterious of the universe. the confusion run but there is a sign of freshness from my body after 4days sick at home. my legs weak like a baby chicken wings. and after hard exercise and sweat. things start to get brigter.

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2011-11-25T18:13:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-25T05:47:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-23T00:23:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-23T00:05:00.003-08:00

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2011-11-23T00:05:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-23T00:04:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-22T20:03:00.001-08:00

a mysterious fever follow me back from the sea.

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2011-11-21T12:02:00.001-08:00

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self destruction

2011-11-21T11:48:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T03:40:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:58:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:56:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:54:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:51:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:40:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:34:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:25:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:12:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:11:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T02:10:00.001-08:00

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2011-11-21T01:20:00.001-08:00

2011-11-19T14:11:00.001-08:00

superficial life

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2011-11-19T14:05:00.001-08:00

local chinese restaurant

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Who are you sir? Who do you protect?

2011-11-19T14:02:00.001-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmJmmnMkuEM&feature=player_embedded

2011-11-18T17:37:00.001-08:00

a fews minute walk from paragon where street food taste like real food and there is no need to acting posh and chic. simpicity is

the best.

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2011-11-18T15:32:00.001-08:00

a superficial life of bangkokian. at.siam paragon. everyone cueing up to consume somethings. where life always unconsciouly force to purchase. people dress up their best. in this pseudo urbanism

life can be surreal. catching up shanghai.

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2011-11-18T15:11:00.001-08:00

just play along the game until its my turn.

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2011-11-17T18:14:00.001-08:00

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